Dec. 12th, 2010

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My birthday's coming and I feel a bit blue. The last few years I've had a brilliant birthday bbq which has made me quite happy with umbrella drinks and burgers and hot dogs in the snow. For some reason I'm just not into it this year - maybe next year. Anyway, the day approaches and I have nothing planned and don't know if I want to have anything planned. Thing is, there's nothing concrete really that's troubling me, just ambivalence and it's a bit mystifying.

Other news. I've been to some amazing performances in the last few months - Savion Glover who is one of the world's finest tappers was in North Van with Bare Soundz - his tap crew. Each dancer had his own little wood (probably) hollow stage, like 3 little islands on the main stage. What was most interesting and compelling about the show is that this stage produced the most amazing sounds. Melodic rhythms were created by tapping on different parts of the stage and of course, by using different parts of the feet. Sometimes I just closed my eyes and took it in aurally. Tremendous.

A couple of weeks later, I checked out Mozaico Flamenco's Cafe de Chinitas. One of the artistic directors Oscar de la "Red Shoes" as he called himself, brought forward the idea that their troupe highlighted old tradition, new tradition and new wave flamenco. He even had an old flamenco singer on stage with him who sang in his raspy old guy voice while Oscar danced a few steps. I so deeply appreciate the continuation of music and dance traditions, not only that but how people weave them heartfully into something new. As the other co-director is the only Chinese professional flamenco dancer in Canada, they have also managed to weave in a bit of Chinese culture as well. The costumes were striking, vividly coloured. It was awesome.

My own dance has been interesting - bellydancing continues and I must choose where to go next. The dance climate has changed so much here in Vancouver. My troupe mates and I are the only dancers following our style of tribal style bellydance. It feels a bit isolated at times, but all of us feel strongly that this is what we want to continue to do - so we do. The question is, what next for me? How do I continue to move ahead? What am I working towards?

A few weeks back I completed 12 days of the Wild Rose Herbal Detox. It's a 12 day "cleanse" with no flour, sugar, dairy or fermented things. I did AWESOME. I think I cheated with sushi because it has rice wine vinegar in the rice but that didn't occur to me at the time. Here's what I noticed. I felt less reactive through the day. I was able to wake easily and sleep easily. My morning fogginess and likewise my mid afternoon sleepies just didn't happen. I also lost about 4 pounds which at first seemed a bit low but technically they say its safe to lose 1% of your body weight per week so for me that would be about 2.5 lbs. Not so bad. Favourite foods were ginger pear oatmeal, almond milk, almond butter on rice cakes, hummus on multigran brown rice crackers, garlic butter fine herb salmon and brown rice/kale pilaf.

Fitnesswise I've hit a good stride, bootcamp and dance supplemented by quality time with my rowing machine and local walks in parks near my house when it's nice. I'm feeling pretty motivated overall. At bootcamp the other day I remembered that I used to play Rugby in university. I was such a loner, and never really felt connected with friends at school so it shocked me to recall this. The thought that went through my mind was "OMG, you played team sports! What the heck possessed you to do that?" I remember practices in the rain, snow, mud, and it was Rugby and I was a forward so I was on the ground all the time. I wonder what changed between here and there, and what was alive in me then that I'm slowly reaching for now.

Personally, I felt a few months ago that I was ready to leave C if we couldn't work things out. Being with him really felt like a life or death battle to maintain my sense of self. Well, we decided to go back to counselling and our counsellor, while quirky, has helped us get to a place that we haven't been before:his desire for safety, my desire to be seen. Although our issues are far from resolved, the time we've put towards counselling sessions have allowed us to enjoying a bit more peace at home which has been important. I'm hopeful for whatever is to come.

Work has been excellent, I'm grateful for the friendships I'm building there. I really feel like I'm living in one of the best times of my life.


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January 2014


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